Real Secret to College Essays: Authenticity, Not Perfection
Writing the right essay?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s college essay, you’re not alone. Among parents and students, writing a great college essay is often one of the most stressful parts of the admissions process. I’ve seen firsthand how much anxiety this one essay can cause families. So, let’s take a deep breath and tackle this together.
Here’s some good news right off the bat: colleges aren’t looking for perfection. They don’t expect your child to write a groundbreaking literary masterpiece in 650 words. Instead, they want authenticity—a genuine snapshot of your child’s personality beyond grades and extracurriculars.
So how exactly do you help your child craft an essay that’s both genuine and captivating? Let’s break this down step-by-step.
What Do Colleges Want in an Essay?
Before jumping into writing tips, it’s crucial to understand the purpose of the college essay. This isn’t another place for your child to list achievements or regurgitate a résumé. Colleges have those details already. Instead, the essay’s real value lies in storytelling. It should reveal your child’s unique perspective, values, and character.
Imagine this scenario: two applicants are competing for the same spot at an elite college. They both have impressive GPAs, test scores, and extracurricular activities. However, one writes a deeply personal essay about overcoming their fear of public speaking through debate. The other writes a generic list of accomplishments without personal reflection. Who do you think will stand out more? It’s the first student.
Common Mistakes Students Make (and How to Avoid Them)
Let’s first discuss some common pitfalls students encounter, and what to do instead.
Mistake #1: Choosing a Cliché or “Safe” Topic
Essays about common experiences—winning the big game, a generic mission trip, or travel without unique reflection—rarely leave a lasting impression.
How to fix this:
Encourage your child to think deeply about personal moments that impacted their perspective or values. Originality and depth always shine brighter than safe topics.
Mistake #2: Writing to Impress, Not to Express
Big words, forced sophistication, and unnatural phrasing often come across as insincere. Admissions officers easily spot artificial attempts at sounding impressive.
How to fix this:
Have your child write conversationally, just as they’d speak to a close friend. Authentic, conversational language genuinely engages readers.
Mistake #3: Making the Essay About Someone Else
Students frequently make the mistake of writing extensively about a relative or mentor, failing to highlight themselves adequately.
How to fix this:
Remind your child that the focus should remain firmly on them—their thoughts, growth, and feelings. Other characters can be included, but the student must stay central.
How to Help Your Child Write an Authentic Essay (Step-by-Step)
Now, let’s get practical. Here’s a structured approach you can use to help your child create a powerful essay.
Step 1: Brainstorming with Genuine Conversations
Grab a snack, get comfortable, and start a relaxed conversation with your child about moments that significantly impacted them. Often, meaningful essays come from seemingly small, personal moments.
Use questions like:
- “When did you see the world differently for the first time?”
- “Can you describe a challenge you’ve overcome?”
- “What experience made you genuinely proud, embarrassed, or excited?”
These open-ended questions encourage meaningful stories and authentic reflection.
Step 2: Picking the Story with Heart
Encourage your child to choose the story they genuinely feel excited to write about—not just the topic they think colleges want. Authentic enthusiasm always shines through.
For example, one student I worked with initially chose a safe topic about soccer victories. Yet, during brainstorming, she excitedly shared stories from her quirky experiences working at an ice cream shop. Her genuine excitement translated into an essay full of humor and sincerity, and colleges loved it.
Step 3: Embrace Messy First Drafts
Your child should write freely without worrying about perfection. Emphasize that no one gets it right the first time. This approach helps reduce anxiety and encourages creativity.
Step 4: Use Specific Examples (Show, Don’t Tell)
Encourage your child to illustrate their points vividly. Instead of simply stating, “I learned teamwork,” have them share a specific instance like, “During the robotics competition, I realized that true teamwork meant trusting others—even when things felt uncertain.”
Specific details make the story engaging and authentic.
Step 5: Edit with Empathy (Guiding Without Rewriting)
Editing your child’s essay can be delicate. Here’s how to support without taking over:
- Ask open-ended questions: “Can you describe this feeling more clearly?” rather than rewriting their words.
- Encourage reading aloud: It helps them hear awkward phrasing or unnatural tone.
- Recommend breaks: Stepping away for a day or two allows for fresh perspectives.
Real-Life Examples of Authenticity That Worked
Remember the ice cream shop essay? The student got into her top-choice college and received personal feedback from the admissions staff, highlighting her originality.
Another student I advised wrote about his passion for birdwatching—a hobby he was once embarrassed by. His sincerity resonated with admissions so strongly that they read his essay aloud during the decision meeting as a positive example of authenticity.
How to Beat Writer’s Block
At some point, every student experiences writer’s block. Here’s how you can help your child overcome it:
- Change environments: Suggest a new space, such as a café or library.
- Short bursts, then breaks: Encourage 15-minute writing sessions, followed by breaks.
- Freewriting exercises: Set a timer for 10 minutes and have them write continuously without editing.
Balancing the Big Picture
Finally, remind your child (and yourself!) that the college essay is just one piece of the application puzzle. Authenticity and honesty matter more than perfection. Colleges want to know the real students, flaws and all.
When your child approaches their essay as an opportunity for genuine self-expression, the process becomes meaningful rather than stressful.
Additional Resources to Explore
For more detailed advice on writing authentic college essays, check out these trusted resources:
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